A Way To Heal
by carolinepierce
Summary: Alaric finds a way to deal with Jenna's death. Alaric/Elena


Alaric knew that getting through Jenna's death would be tough. Not only was his girlfriend _dead_ but because of his so called friends he would never know if he could have done anything to change it. If Bonnie hadn't locked him in that house Alaric might have been able to ... what exactly? He wasn't sure. But the thought that there was something, _anything_, he could have done if he had actually been there haunted him. So really, he knew from the moment he found out that Klaus had killed her that Alaric would be fighting hard to get from heartbroken to okay.

Then there were the kids. Elena and Jeremy. They had already lost their parents and now their guardian, aunt and only relative left was dead too? It was just so darn unfair. He was the only adult left in their life now, if you thought about it. While Stefan and Damon were older than him and Jenna put together he didn't trust them to act like parental figures. It was up to him, therefore. He had to get over Jenna, forgive himself for not saving her and take care of the kids she left behind all at the same time.

At least that's what Alaric was planning to do. He didn't think that he'd find a helping hand on the way. He _definitely _didn't think that hand would belong to Elena.

xxx

It was six-thirty pm and although Alaric had only been in the kitchen for fifteen minutes he had already used every swearword he knew. The Gilberts had been eating a lot of take-out food lately so he had decided to be a nice dead aunts boyfriend and cook the kids a meal. Sadly, he was never as good of a cook as a vampire hunter.

The pasta seemed to be glued to the bottom of the pot, the marinara sauce looked more green than red and a beeping sound was going off from the oven (apparently he was burning the garlic bread as well).

"_Screw this!_" Alaric finally spat out as he fell into one of the kitchen chairs.

He was a grown man, for god's sake. A grown, vampire killing man at that. How in the world was it that he couldn't even cook a meal? The saddest part wasn't even that. It was that Alaric was so well aware of what was missing from this catastrophic scene. It was Jenna.

If she had still been alive she'd be sitting by the dinner table with a glass of wine in her hand, laughing her ass of at him. She wasn't much of a cook either and was more than happy to let him try and cook her up a romantic meal if it meant she could poke fun at him for it. But there was no one there to laugh at him and offer unhelpful advice with a wide grin. He was all alone _again_.

The emotions that Alaric had been hiding from ever since the funeral suddenly washing over him he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. Even though he was managing to hold his head up high and pretend that he was fine around everyone else Alaric was far from it. This, all of it, was just like losing Isobel all over again. Wasn't it enough to have his wife die on him _twice_? Now he had to go through with this too? Life was really fucking unfair. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the front door open and shut again.

"Alaric?" Elena's worried voice snapped him back to reality.

His head shot up but the smile he had been planning to plaster on just didn't seem to want to show up. Instead he met Elena's eyes and for a moment they just looked at each other in silence. Alaric wanted to say something comforting or funny to lighten the situation up but couldn't come up with anything fitting. Maybe because there wasn't really anything to say.

Elena finally broke the silence. "What's that smell?" she asked, wrinkling her button like little nose.

Alaric turned his head towards where his food was still standing and chuckled pathetically.

"I thought I'd cook you guys some dinner ... Stefan said you wouldn't be home until later and since Jeremy's with his lady well ... it was supposed to be a nice surprise. I sort of forgot about how I can't cook." A hint of a smile appeared on his lips when he got up and walked over to the stove. The sort-of-almost smile turned into a grimace when he looked down at the food. "Yeah. Definitely can't cook."

Elena laughed behind him. She rolled her eyes at him in a way that he often had to remind her not to do in class and walked up next to him. He guessed that the look of alarm on her face came from thinking how close she came to eating that.

"Well - it was a nice thought. Anyways, it's not unfixable! Here." For a mere second her hand rested on his and their eyes met again. They both smiled.

For the next hour the two of them worked together on dinner. Mostly it was Elena telling him what to do and Alaric jokingly making her promise not to tell anyone in school about how well he took orders from students. When Jeremy got back the three of them sat down at the dinner table and ate their food. They laughed, talked and not once did anyone mention the empty seat where Jenna used to sit. Things actually felt good.

xxx

Alaric couldn't sleep. He had been lying in bed, turning from side to side, for hours and still hadn't fallen asleep. He had even tried counting sheep before deciding that it was no use. He simply could not fall asleep.

He sat up on the couch with a slight groan and scratched his head. While the Gilbert couch wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep he had done so plenty of times in the last two weeks. Walking into Jenna's room and sleeping in the bed they used to share just didn't seem right yet. Heck, it probably never would. And even though both Elena and Jeremy kept telling him he could go home he in turn kept insisting to stay over. Secretly, he thought they were pretty happy to have him there. Secretly, he was pretty happy to be there too.

It wasn't the first night that Alaric found himself unable to hit the slack. He often found himself looking up at the roof, eyes wide open and completely awake. That or he woke up drenched in sweat in the middle of the night with a scream caught in his throat. He wasn't sure what he preferred; a sleepless torture or heart-stopping nightmares.

As always when he felt like he could run a mile at two am Alaric walked into the kitchen. Alcohol was the only thing that could nurse him back to sanity and rock him to sleep like a mother.

The cabinet where the alcohol was kept was locked. He made sure to keep it that way too. Even though the teenagers in this house usually had more important things to worry about than booze it was better to be safe than sorry.

His hand reached towards the top of the bookshelf and pushes an old copy of a dictionary to the side. Almost automatically he grabbed it, put the book back in its place and turned to the cabinet where his sweet relief awaited.

Fumbling slightly with the lock Alaric got down on his knees and put the key in. It took him a little longer than it should have to get it open but a relieved sigh fell from his lip when he finally did.

The whiskey bottle was half empty from the other late night runs he had made. He grabbed it, closed the cabinet, locked it up and put the key back in the old hiding place.

A glass seemed to be almost awaiting him on the counter and he didn't even bother to check whether it was clean or not before pouring it full. He didn't waste any time before bringing the drink to his lips. The moment he the liquid came in contact with his taste buds he felt his muscles relax and his shoulders fall down. It was like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.

Then there was a small, almost unnoticeable cough from the corner. Alaric spun around like a little kid caught stealing a second cookie to find himself facing Elena.

"It's okay Ric. I couldn't sleep either." She told him with a small smile.

Alaric noted how tired she looked. It wasn't the normal kind of tired he usually saw on seventeen year olds either. The look on her face definitely didn't come from sitting up watching TV too late. No, that look was the look of someone who had lost hours of sleep from worrying about things she was far too young to know about.

"Hey, who needs sleep?" he shrugged before taking another swig of his drink.

Elena came up to the counter and leaned back against it. When he lowered his arm she reached out her hand and raised her eyebrows. He rolled her eyes. Of course, Elena would be the one to tell him to stop drinking so much. He shook his head slightly and handed over the drink. To Alaric's surprise she didn't pour it down the drain. Instead she took a large gulp herself and grimaced at the taste.

"Not me."

xxx

He finally found his way to deal. He finally found his way to _heal_.

Cooking dinner with Elena made him think of something else. It helped him focus on the now. The way she laughed when he messed up and then went straight back to focusing so that she could fix him made him smile. The way she knew the names of every spice in the kitchen because her mother was always naming them caused his heart to do a little jump. The way her hair kept getting in her face had him clench his hands into fists to keep himself from reaching out to move it out of the way.

He came to expect her to join him by the kitchen sink during night time. He would walk in first, fill his glass and pretend he wasn't waiting for her. Then he'd hear her quiet footsteps and turn around. The first few times she showed up he scowled her and tried to tell her to go back. As time went on he stopped doing that. He still made a face and called himself a bad person every time she had a sip of his drink but he didn't fight it anymore. Her presence helped as much as the alcohol did.

Alaric never meant to _need _Elena. He never wanted to _want _her. But he did. So one of their sleepless nights when she reached for the drink he grabbed her hand and kissed her. His lips pressed against hers and the hand that wasn't holding hers found its place on the small of her back. They only broke apart for a moment, to think about how god damn wrong this was and what horrible people they were, but it didn't last for long and soon they were kissing again.

He did get through Jenna's death. Only he did it by falling in love with her niece.


End file.
